As I flicked channels last night, I came across a rerun of a
morning show in which the guest for the day was the host’s maid, accompanied by
the maid’s mother. Once I had figured out that this was not some new low in
terms of paucity of content but a special “International Womens’ Day” episode,
two thoughts crossed my mind. The first was, ‘this maid is definitely going to
ask for a massive raise in the next week or so.’ The second was, ‘how come
there is no “International Mens’ Day”?
Before a morcha
forms outside my door, let me hastily add that I am not some chip off the
misogynistic MPA bloc. I am as much pro-feminism as the next guy (as long as
the next guy is not a chip off the mysoginistic MPA bloc). It’s just that,
there is no day for celebrating masculinity the way there is a defined day to
celebrate femininity. And, especially in the lawn exhibition season, when the
credit card bills mount and the car availability shrinks, it would be nice to
have a bit of a celebration to.. err… celebrate.
Imagine the scene: a morning show hosted by a man who thinks
Shahrukh Khan spends his evenings looking in the mirror working on his
impression of said host. He flicks his hair back, being theatrically tousled by
a breeze, and introduces as his guest for the day the boy who cleans his shoes.
The boy, accompanied by his father (who is also employed by the host as the
carrier of a pedestal fan to ensure a gentle hair tousling breeze is ever
present wherever he goes), states over and over that the host is a great
employer whose shoes are never too muddy. The host spends two hours looking
patronising and feels his duty to underprivileged men duly discharged.
International Mens’ Day would also be the day when hundreds
of urban begums would seriously jeopardise their paraffin manicures to
celebrate masculinity, as their cooks would have the day off, they would need
to spend the day slaving over a hot telephone ordering in food for the day
(prepared by men in takeaway kitchens – after all, if Portugese grilled chicken
vendors don’t give their staff a day off on the International Day of the
Worker, then this would be a far cry indeed). Job done, they could then coo
about how they gave their staff the day off to celebrate the occasion with the
rest of their lunch party crowd.
There would also be a series of television shows celebrating
manhood, but not in a Ron Jeremy kind of way. These would largely be watched by
women, as their airing would clash with some form of televised sport or the
other. After all, even watching the World Paint Drying Championships would be a
more enjoyable option than having multiple channels airing shows with more or
less the same cast of characters in each, mouthing the words to their last hits
(from maybe two years ago), interspersed with commercial breaks that are longer
than the programming it is designed to supplement.
International Womens’ Day is, after all, supposed to
celebrate the struggle for liberation and equal rights. Which is why, perhaps,
it is celebrated the most by the ones who have the most of both. In a society
such as ours, then, where both are lacking, surely it makes sense for those few
who have a modicum of either to celebrate their blessed status. For we are all
equal in inequality, are we not?
Originally printed in Dawn, March 2011
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